Today's rant is brought to you courtesy of Comcast and Kaiser Permanente - both lovely companies, I'm sure, but who really don't have a clue when it comes to automated Customer Service.
First off - Comcast. I have my phone, internet and cable all bundled through them (I know, I could probably get it cheaper somewhere else, but I tried DirectTV and I kept losing my TV every time there was a heavy rain or it got windy. I live in Oregon, where the two seasons are the rainy season and July 14th, and I live right off the west end of the Columbia Gorge, better known as the wind tunnel of the great Northwet.. That's a non-starter.)
I've been having this intermittent issue where the modem suddenly decides that it can't see my wireless router and I lose internet service (and occasionally my phone line). It's frustrating, but I've been able to get through by cycling the modem and the router and blahblahblahblah... anyway, today I'd finally had it and wanted to get the darn thing fixed. So, I break down and call Comcast. Why did it take me so long to call? Because I knew what I was going to have to go through to get to a live person. First off, I'm calling from my home line - the one they provide me with. They still require me to jump through hoops to get to anyone. First, I have to provide them with the last four digits of my account number. Quick, off the top of your head, without being able to access the internet (because it's down, of course), do you know the last four digits of a random utility account number that you autopay every month? Then, of course, I have to listen to them yammer on about how I can check the status of the internet service by going to comcast.com - yeah, did I mention that I'm calling BECAUSE MY INTERNET DOESN'T WORK? And it's not like this is a random thing they throw in on every line - this bit doesn't come up until after I tell this computer that my internet isn't working. Then, of course, because they still don't trust that this person who is calling in on my phone line, which they provided to me, is actually me, I have to give them my home address, the last four numbers of my SSN and the name of my unborn firstborn child. All before I actually talk to someone, who is then going to have to pass me along to the second level customer service because frankly at this point, I know more about my modem than they do. A second level customer service rep who has to ask me for my name, address and SSN yet again. This is not customer service. This is customer prevention. On the other hand, Matthew (who had a lovely southern accent) was a peach and did his best to fix my problem, then when he realized my modem is possessed by Satan, was happy to set up someone to come out tomorrow. That part of the customer service was lovely...
As for Kaiser - I can't complain all that much about them, they're keeping me alive. But considering the fact that they are keeping me alive, and that they know damn well all my medical issues, don't send me a yearly personalized computer letter saying "Do you know you need a pap smear, and that you should have your A1C checked, and that you should get a BMI screening" (seriously, a BMI screening? I've lost 145 pounds this year - what do they want from me, carving off a couple of butt cheeks?) Then the computer has the nerve to finish up with "Managing your health is important to us. This is a personalized summary of your health care needs". No, it's not a personalized summary - or they would know that I have a form of uterine cancer that isn't detectible by a pap smear, and I had a A1C screening in mid-March. Kim, who keeps watch on me and cheerleads for me, or my own Dr Wang, who answers my emails even when I'm a little incoherent - they are personalized care and I love and appreciate them. A random listing of tests that are not even checked with my chart - that's just an annoyance that's perpetrated so that Kaiser Corporate can cross off some "proactive health agenda" list. Don't try to think it's customer service - I'm not the one getting served here.
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