Not sure how the doctor's visit today went. I provided her with the paperwork to fill out, but she's not sure exactly what to say. I'm not sure exactly what to tell her either. Am I disabled? I really don't know.
I know I've got an incurable form of cancer, one that normally would be fatal (80% fatality rate within 5 years). But it doesn't seem to be interested in killing me. It is sort of like walking around 8 months preggers, and there's the whole incontinence issue, but it's not like I can't sit and type... it's just harder to focus and I tire out easily and if any little germ happens to come along, I'm down for the count. But I am able to work, still - have been for two years now. But I started out with the maximum 240 hours of annual leave and around the same amount of sick leave... and I'm down to the dregs now.
Other things to take into account - I have insulin-dependent diabetes, but I've had that for years and I've been managing it, so it's not something that really stops me. There's the whole enlarged heart/losing my breath if I stand or try to walk for more than a minute or two, but again, had it for years, I've been managing it, I have my trusty Moose-Scooter to get me through. There's the severe sleep apnea, but (thanks to the wonders of modern medicine), I've got the bi-pap that makes sure that I don't stop breathing my usual 75 times an hour while I'm sleeping - plus I get to do the cool "I'm disturbed by your lack of faith in the force" voice at Roger, so that's always a bonus. I have zero cartilage in my knees and the rest of my joints are also pretty much shot - so much so that I'm in pretty much constant pain, dumbed down by Percoset. Fortunately, I also have a high tolerance, so I can still do my work while dumbed down by Percoset... I really would rather switch over to a non-opiate solution, though.
The problem here is that my body has never been exactly a Cadillac. It's been a Yugo - and I've been patching it up myself, using a lot of Bondo and WD40 (and a hell of a lot of duct tape), and forcing it to keep going. Eventually, it's going to fall apart, but for now... yeah, it'll still do 60, if I put a brick on the gas pedal, but for how much longer?
So. Taking all that into account... am I disabled? And what do I tell my doctor to put down on the paperwork?
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