"Last Night, I Had The Strangest Dream"

 

Thanks, Pete Seegar! Writing this up at the request of Mom

Whenever I take the first of a new batch of gummies, there's always a titration issue - is one enough, are three too many... five is right out, incidentally. Anyway, last night's batch was particularly good, and sent me straight to dreamland.

Just as I was slipping, I could feel my soul (for lack of a better word) leave my body. I felt... that old childhood game - Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board? My essence was just a glowing light rising up - no control, but I didn't want control. Just peace and warmth. As I rose, I noticed a glowing mass in front of me... and I swear I heard a ka-chunk, like the opening of a bus door. But nothing was particularly clear visibly, just a round mass emanating calm, happiness, welcome, joy...  Mostly welcome - a sense that yeah, this was where I was going, and that it was going to be an incredible party on the way to my next destination. 

 I tentatively tried questioning the driver - felt a lot like Mr Rogers, but not in a gendered sense, just in a love everyone and make them feel comfortable sense.  They reassured me that yep, I was on the good list - reminding me that we're always our worst critic in the short term, but that the long view sands down the nicks and scratches, and that the Universe loves me as I am. Considering my situation, this was an incredibly comforting thing to hear, but the more comforting thing was... they asked me if I was ready for the next thing, or did I want a few more turns around the dance floor? (Well, ok. They told me that I'd shouldered burdens they wouldn't have tried, and my survival showed that I had vaginal muscles that wouldn't quit (Betty White said "Why do people say, 'Grow some balls'? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things really take a pounding ... But I get uncomfortable taking credit for my survival... end of parenthetical bowl stacking)).

Anyway, after congratulating me on my fortitude, they mentioned that it was a choice. I could go on to the next thing, and it would be a party like no other... or I could stay a while longer. It would involve some pain and suffering (I may have snorted at Bus Driver Rogers... I apologized!), but I get more time in this particular skin. This skin that I'm still uncomfortable in after 59 years, but that I'm starting to forgive. So, I waved him off, politely, and I felt this pulse of warm love and starting sinking back into my shell, feeling the aches and pain returning, but also the connections to this life that make it worth continuing - the rings of love around me. Family, friends, the rest... the going up is worth the coming down. Just not yet. As they left, the driver said "See you when I come back around in a few..." ka-chunk.  I didn't hear the last word. I'm sure it wasn't hours, but I doubt it was decades...  I'll take a couple of years.