Suicide is popping up again in my lifestream - in addition to my Facebook stream being full of Robin Williams obituaries, one of my cousins' mother-in laws also committed suicide last Friday. I've lost friends, family, a co-worker... I was even given several really bad nights by a stranger jumping off of a parking garage in Portland and landing on the street about 8 feet from me.
I used to find myself being incredibly angry at people who killed themselves - I felt (still feel) that it's one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, leaving a messy life behind for others to have to clean up. Part of that anger also might have been that I have been on the edge myself - remind me to tell you all about the pickle jar incident sometime - and stepped back, forced myself to go on when I thought there wasn't a way forward, and if I could do it, why couldn't they?
But my struggle was momentary - I'm starting to realize that other people feel that way all the time. Depression, anger, paranoia, frustration - a life with few highs and incredibly abysmal lows. If this life is all there is, why continue on with the agony? Alternately, if there is an afterlife (and considering my current situation, I'm desperately hoping there is) why not go ahead and skip to dessert, or push the reset button, or whatever metaphor applies?
Living your life solely to avoid harming others is a possible reason, but what about those who are hurting so much that they are already taking it out on those around them? What about those who feel like life is already over but the shell just won't quit? As a society, maybe we need to find a way to allow death to be a cleaner option for those who just can't continue on.
There are a lot more thoughts about this, and I find that the older I get, the more my opinion changes, but I'd like to hear other people's thoughts.
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