Sunday, waxing religious

I've always had a weirdly schizophrenic relationship with religion.  For one thing, I was born in Utah to an old-family Mormon family, with all the baggage that entails (for those non-Mormons in the crowd, think Judaism-light - all the quirks and guilt (and insularity), shoved into just 200 years of tradition.  I tend to think of myself as genetically Mormon - my ancestors go back to the old "making your way across the country with a hand-cart to the new promised land" of the early church, but I drifted.

Part of it may have been my mother...  she went through a crisis of faith and left the Church  (something about Dad not being able to remember her real name half the time - there was no way he was going to remember her temple name to call her up to the afterlife) when I was two or three.  She's grown back into the Church now, but while I've tried, there are some aspects of the Church I just can't seem to get around. 

Don't get me wrong - if I were going to be religious, I would definitely be Mormon.  (That comes from my grandparents - Lova and Dewane were always incredibly active, and kept trying to bring me back into the fold.)  Through them, I saw the good side of the church - the sense of community, helping one another through the rough spots, the "callings" where everyone in the church had a role to play, whether it was being a member of the bishopric, leader of the Relief Society, primary school teacher, librarian... the Mormon church is very much an active rather than passive activity.  Even the sermons are a community thing - each week a different member gives the talk, based loosely on guidance from the church, but very much your own testimony. 

But... There's those aspects I can't get around.  I'm frustrated by the fact that any man can attain the priesthood, but no woman can.  I mean - the church is great if you're a traditionalist, but they teach that the height of womanhood is to be the mother of the family, to teach and inspire your children, to make a good home.  For a barren career girl like me... there's not a lot of room there. 

Then, there's the guidance on sexuality.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that they've been evolving - but hating the sin while loving the sinner still implies that you can be born a sin - that being LBGT is an aberration.  I can't believe that a loving God would do that to one of his creations. 

So, I remain a woman without a country here - as I said, genetically Mormon, inclined in that direction, but not quite able to get there.  Maybe the church will evolve - God knows, they've changed for the better in a lot of ways in the past 200 years.  Or maybe I'll learn to work around my differences like Mom has - coming to terms with the Church has done her a lot of good the past few years.  Or maybe I'll continue on building my own relationship with God - who must love me, after all, I've been given time to work this out.