Mom is doing well so far - she's walked up and down the hall, she's fairly mobile, she's hurting some, but not too bad. She's looking a lot better today than yesterday - it was a real relief to me. I was worried yesterday, more than I'd be willing to admit at the time. I know that she's a tough woman (boy, do I know she's a tough woman), but she was looking vulnerable, and I just can't believe that she's got any cracks in her armor, because if I do, I have to admit there's a chance that I might have to live in a world without her in it. I can't do that. It's selfish as hell, I admit, but I've managed to convince myself she's immortal - the fact that her mother is still going at 95, and *her* mother passed away in the 90s as well, gave me good reason to believe it.
So, how does this have anything to do with watching "Bones?" A couple of weeks ago, one of the characters was diagnosed with bone cancer, one with a fairly high mortality rate (sounds familiar, right?) and had to make a decision on whether to stay and fight it - chemo/radiation/blech - or whether to take the time left to see the world/sleep his way across Europe/live like he was dying. I'm actually a little relieved that I am not at the point yet where I have to make that choice - since chemo and radiation haven't been effective on my type of cancer, I'm still at the point where I can go ahead and fight my own fight (plant-based diet until I can get the hysterectomy), leaving the option open to withdraw my retirement fund and go wild if Hank wins our race.
But it's something I've been thinking about. What is the value of the long, drawn-out fight, when you're likely to lose, vs the value of a fast but exciting exit? But then again, considering my recent brush with mom's cancer - if she needed chemo or radiation, I'd hope she would take it, just because I would hate to lose her a second sooner than I had to. But then again, I'd also hate to think of her in pain.
So, any conclusions? Just that cancer is a jerk. Same as always.
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