Down day today

Down day today - my body is still giving me mega-grief about Utah (or at least about the airport), I somehow managed to gain 15 pounds (yes, that's 15) over the weekend (I'm thinking it's probably water weight, but we'll see...) and Moose is still not feeling well - or at least, he's not a spring pup.  He might just not have forgiven me yet for leaving him alone - for example, he'll head over to the moosecave, but he keeps looking back every four or five steps, just to make sure that I realize he's not going to be loving on me.  He doesn't seem to be feeling as much pain, but he's still stressed out.

Great Weekend

Although, I'm a little wiped out.  My weekend started out with a half-mile walk through the PDX airport.  Fortunately, I was then rewarded by having the plane half-filled by members of the San Antonio Talons arena football team - mega eye candy, all strolling past my seat in the front of the plane.

The family gathering was Saturday - I'll write more about that when I've had a chance to process it.  It was lovely to see everyone, though and to see how everyone is growing.

Sunday, I got to spent time with two of my favorite guys in the world (Don and Jeff), including a wonderful cheese tasting (if you ever get a chance, check out Uncle Ron's cheese - I really recommend the dill).   

What I wouldn't recommend is the Baymont Inn.  About the best thing you could really say for it is that it was clean, but the beds were basically rocks, things kept breaking down (the ice machine, my hair dryer, all the electric outlets in my room), and there was absolutely no sound baffling at all - Saturday night I was kept up by the people in the room above me practicing what had to have been tantric sex, since it went on for over an hour.  While I admire their stamina, I just wanted to go to sleep.

Getting out of Dodge for the weekend

And feeling really, really conflicted about it. Saturday is Grandma's 96th birthday party, and a family gathering to celebrate her. Roger, Mom and I have tickets and are heading out tomorrow morning at way too freaking early - it's the first trip I've taken since Hank came into my life.  I was already sort of dreading and really looking forward to the trip, but then Moose threw a spanner in the works. 

He's had a couple more of his little spells, and I'm feeling awful about leaving him - but then again, I'm leaving him with his Uncle Daniel, who has a) power of attorney over him with my vet; and b) knowledge of where the sausages are kept, and the ability to run the microwave.  I've talked with the vet, and there's nothing that can be done immediately that we're not already doing, Moose is already going to be seeing the vet Saturday with Daniel for his laser treatment...  but yet, I'm still feeling like my presence is the only thing keeping Moose from keeling over immediately.  I know, stupid thought, but you can't argue with your gut. 

I'm going to try to let go and enjoy the weekend.  For one thing, I need to see my family again (and Mom tells me that they need to see me as well).  At this point, there's no way to reschedule this - that's not an option.  I'm just going to have to let the gut (and the guilt) know it's not going to be running my life (this time.) 

Moose's Bummer Trip

We finally got Moose back in to actually see his veterinarian - turns out I was right to be worried about him.  Looks like while we were getting him treated for the back issues, he either developed a neck issue, or had a minor stroke - his whole right side is not working correctly (his front leg is knuckling, the back leg is dragging, his right eye is drooping slightly. 

They're putting him on a course of Prednisone to see if some of the pressure on the nerves can be reduced, and we'll see what happens - but I could use any mojo you can send my boy's way. 

Adventures in Shoe-Shopping

In yet another of my99th percentile-ism, I hate shoe shopping.  I mean, ever since I started my stint as a professional buyer, the glow of shopping has faded - it's like being a prostitute, once you go pro, the amateur stuff loses its shine - but shoe shopping has always been the worst.  For one thing, my feet are a size 11 double wide, so forget finding some cute little sexy strappy things.  But my feet also tend to inflate and deflate during the day like they were filled with helium. And then there's the sweat - does anyone else have feet that sweat enough to make them embarrassed to let anyone else see them?  Anyway, I don't shoe shop unless forced. 

But we're heading over to the family reunion next weekend, and Kimo spent all that time prettifying my feet (purple toenails and all), so Mom managed to drag me into Jay's Wide Shoes.  Miracle of miracles, we found a good salesguy, and he had us in and out in less than 20 minutes - I found a good pair of sandals, a nice pair of work shoes and a really neat pair of mottled purple and blue sandals.  Much, much easier than I thought it would be - of course, Roger found himself a couple of pair of shoes next door at Pay-Less for about a tenth of what I paid, but on the other hand, I can live with paying the money to get some good shoes and not have to do this again for a couple of years. 

The Sisterhood of Purple

Another adventure at the pool - finished up my 20 channels, got back to the locker room, and this little 3 or 4 year old girl complimented me on my swimsuit ("Purple!  My favorite color!")  She then noticed my toenails (recently lacquered by the amazing Kimo - if you live in Portland, I highly recommend the woman), got even more excited ("More purple!  Look, Mom!").  At that point, she then reached my hair (recently re-purpled by Kerin), and I believe she had a little baby stroke.  I suspect that I made the girl's day, if not year - and may have caused a problem for her parents once she reaches an age where she can reach the hair dye shelves.  My work here is done.

It's been a heck of a week

So far, we've had my scan results (moderately troubling, but not an immediate big deal), and Moose's issues - we've started him on the laser treatments, but he's still hurting.  In fact tonight, he was hurting enough that he was not interested in food - he's really starting to worry me.  Then there was kicking  Comcast to the curb, which involved change (and you all know how I feel about change).  Then we got to Friday.

Friday was going to be a busy day, regardless - Mom wanted us to get prettified before we headed to Utah, and I had an appointment beforehand, but Kimo figured out that if I came in at 12:00 (and she brought a chainsaw) she could get my toes done before Kerin tackled my hair at 1:30, then Mom could get her toes done... which all went out the window when Mom went to her doctor's appointment to consult on the rogue tissue they found last November.  They found a lump, which meant she had to go for an emergency ultrasound and a mammogram (so much for getting her pedicure!)  Fortunately, it was a false positive, but there was a period there where I have to admit to a bit of a freak out.  Frankly, I think Mom needs to stop going to the doctor. 

Things eventually worked out, and we both got spruced for the trip, but it was a long day.  But we figured hey - we'll do a nice brunch for Mother's Day, go out to Old Wives Tale since everyone could stay within dietary restrictions there, decompress...  Got to OWT only to find out that this restaurant that has lasted 34 years in Portland's ever-changing restaurant atmosphere... closed permanently May 5th.  We all took this as God saying that with the week we had, we were allowed to go to Pig 'n' Pancake.  Some weeks, you just gotta have one classic diner meal to restore your sanity.

Update - Scan Results - Puppy Palette Cleanser

It's never good when you get a call from your nurse saying "Now, this is probably nothing to worry about..." Apparently, this last scan, there was some metabolic activity seen in the osseous structures of the pelvis and spine - (basically, Hank may be spreading to the bone).  However, since there weren't any cancerous lesions seen in those areas, they think that this is just an incidental thing, not important or significant, just something we need to keep an eye on.  I'm not worrying (like fun, I'm not worrying - my head isn't worried.  My spleen, on the other hand, is fretting to beat the band.)

So...  there's that.  On the other hand, there's Moose, who went through the first of his "cold laser" treatments for his back, and has been stoned out of his freaking gourd all day.  Not too stoned to bark his head off at the cable guy, you understand - but stoned enough that he preferred to bark from the safety of his mother's lap.  Dixie was trying to take up the slack, but she would bark some, forget what it was that she was barking about, then 5 minutes later remember that there was an intruder, bark a little more (wash, rinse, repeat) - she just doesn't have the dedication necessary. 

Group thoughts

I haven't been going to group lately, a fact that Mom has been happy to point out to me.  I, of course, maintained firmly that I've just been busy, things to do, nothing big, it hasn't been that long... you know, the usual Cleopatra, queen of denial.  The fact that given the choice I went swimming rather than face the group should have been a clue for me.  But no, I refused to look, until I heard that there were rumors that I had gone off my diet and was too embarrassed to show my face made me exam why I was avoiding the group (no, it's not the diet thing!)

I realized I had not gone back to group since Larry died, almost a month ago.  It's not that Larry was a good friend of mine - he was a good man, a loving husband, a solid, steady presence, but not a close friend.  So it wasn't mourning him that was keeping me away - it was my fear of change.  I can't stand it when people around me change, especially those who feel like father figures.  Larry felt very much like a patriarch to me - the first day we met, I mentioned that I was reading Zealot by Reza Aslan (it's a book examining the life of Jesus), and the next week, he brought me a copy of the New Testament, because he was worried about my soul.  I felt like going to group and sitting there without him across from me would cement the fact that he's gone.  More than that, it would send home the fact that this is the nature of the group - this isn't a book club.  These are all people (including me) with a potential death sentence, and Larry is just the first.  I know, life itself comes with a death sentence, but for us, it's been firmed down a little. 

Kicking Comcast to the curb

Just letting everyone know that my phone number is going to be changing tomorrow (family, you can always leave a message on Mom's phone, and I'll try to send out an email blast to everyone once I know the digits). Two months of  having to reset the modem every other minute has finally gotten to me, and since Comcast's response has been to blame my router, rather than figure it out, I'm going back to *gag* CenturyLink. 

Part of me wishes I could keep the old number, but I'm also hoping like hell that I get out from under the computer-generated "This is XXXX with card services calling with an important announcement about your current credit cards".  I get one of them at least every other day, and they spoof the phone numbers, so I can't just not pick up the phone.  There should be a special place in hell for the guys who think up these scams (note, I'm not saying the people working the phones - in this economy, I can understand being desperate, but their bosses need punishment badly.)

More observations from the pool

I'm up to 20 laps of the channel now - 16 forward, 4 back (those back ones - the ones against the current - kick my butt.)  The thing that I love the most, though, is watching the little toddlers with their parents.  Somehow, I don't think that I'm going to be able to convince Mom to stand in the water and let me jump into the pool on her, though.  Every once in a while, they break off and the whole class comes and floats around the channel for a couple of laps - it's kind of the equivalent of an obstacle course for the pool.

The dressing room is always an education in the diversity of the human body - on one side of me is this young woman who could be starring in a Zumba infomercial pulling on her Victoria Secret thong, and then on the other side of me is an 85 year old grandmother picking her breasts up off her navel to stuff them into her orthopedic bra.  Then, there's the 50ish woman sitting absolutely starkers on the bench on her cell phone talking about a real estate deal she's working.  I am truly grateful for the technical advances we've made this past 50 years - heck, it's kept me alive, but that offends my sense of propriety.  You should not be able to transact any business that would require a bank loan without having to put a minimal amount of clothing on.