Late Night

I had one of those late-night blood sugar drops tonight - woke up with my blood sugar at 64.  It's always a bit unsettling - when I get that low, I start getting a little irrational, and my body goes into a "I'm dizzy, I'm sweaty, I'm going to make you pay for this" dance, which makes me scared, which makes me more irrational.  Fortunately, a little glucose, and I'll be fine... but it does make it hard to get back to sleep. 

On the other hand, sleep may be over-rated.  I'm sitting in my comfy chair, Moose curled up like a comma around my left side, Daisy snugged in tight to my right - there are worse places to be.  I was having a bit of a white night anyway - I've got my "every three month" scan on Friday, and the back of my brain has been fretting about it, so it could just be that this is my body's way of saying "You need a night of reading trashy novels". 

On the other other hand, however, Moose is starting to snore like a sailor after a three-day bender.  Daisy is entirely too dainty to snore, but let's just say her breathing has gotten a lot more... pronounced.  There is nothing more sleep-inducing than a couple of snoozing pups on your lap, and I feel the glucose kicking in, so I guess it may be time to head back for bed after all.  Goodnight.

Work Day Today

I went into the office today (had some stuff that needed to be taken care of in person, rather than over the phone.)  (Well, actually, I thought I had some stuff that had to be taken care of in person, but the person who requested help gave me a "What?  It's not doing it anymore." when I went over to his desk to help him out, so... guess who is going straight to the bottom of my "help him out" list.  Dimbulb).  Anyway, it was nice to get a chance to see everyone again - and at least two-thirds of the office ended up going out to lunch together at a pool hall down the block, so all in all it was a nice change of pace.  I'm definitely ready to drop, though...  I just can't do 12 hours days the way I used to. 

Driving home, I saw several signs of why I love Portland so much, though - we came home down Sandy (because I-84 is the highway of the damned during rush hour).  I saw a hipster bicyclist with his mustaches flapping in the wind at least a foot behind him, a sign in a window front advertising ukelele lessons, another window front with the fugliest naugahyde 50s barstool I've ever seen, and (of course) a martial arts studio straight across the street from an urgent care clinic.  It's my home, and I love it. 

Sick day thoughts

I spent most of today sleeping with my minions - one curled behind my knees, one curled up at the back of my neck.  I've been doing worse lately - having trouble with controlling my bladder, more skin infections and the weird fevers that go with them, etc.  I was hoping that getting my blood sugar back under control would help with the sleepiness, and it seems to be helping some, but every once in a while, I go through periods where I just can't keep my eyes open.  I'm hoping that it's just me and my weird body, not Hank...  fortunately, the next scan is next Friday, so I should know soon, and my blood sugar has gotten back under control, so with any luck, it won't be much longer in the twilight zone. 

The Tyranny of Possessions - Day Two

Miss Daisy is on her second day of guarding her blue bone, and an uneasy truce is still in effect.  (To bring anyone who didn't catch the Facebook post up to speed... I gave both Moose and Daisy a blue dental bone yesterday - Moose ate his immediately, Daisy spent the day curled up around her bone, growling at Moose, Daniel, Roger... pretty much anyone who came within 5 feet of her and her bone.).

I ended up moving it for her last night, putting it up on the table where Moose couldn't get at it so that she could come to bed and get some sleep.  But this morning, she's back curled up around the bone again.  It's odd... she isn't eating it, she's just guarding it.  I gave Moose a new one this morning (he ended up barking at Daisy when she came to investigate - sauce for the goose, I suppose), so she knows that there are more bones to be had, but for some reason, it's this particular bone that has her protective instincts up. 

I've been searching for a life lesson here, but I just can't relate - my method of protecting my groceries has always been to eat them as quickly as possible so that someone else can't sneak in and grab them (I know.  I'm working on it.)  But it seems to be bringing her a perverse amount of satisfaction, so I'm going to let her go with it.  Que cera, cera. 

Thoughts on the undocumented children controversy

Not going to get into the politics of it - except to say that in my opinion, our current system is broken, and rather than just dealing with current undocumented people, we need to completely revise how we let people in. 

My thoughts are mostly for these kids - how incredibly scared they must be, and how incredibly desperate their families must have been to send them.  One of the scariest trips I ever took in my life was one summer when I was in my early teens - I'd been spending the summer with my grandparents down in southern Utah, and Mom called asking them to send me back up to Idaho, because we were moving and she needed me there.  I can't remember why it was a rush - I think we got the message later than we should have because we'd been out camping.  Anyway - grandpa took me down to the Greyhound office (well, the hotel that doubled as a Greyhound office - we're talking St George in the 70s).  The office there wasn't open, so grandpa gave me the price of a ticket and the driver said I could ride to Cedar City and buy a ticket there. 

However... when I got to the ticket office, there had been a price increase that we didn't know about, and I didn't have quite enough for a ticket.  I had 30 minutes to have a mini-breakdown and figure out what to do - and no idea who I could call for help.  Considering the panic and desperation I felt - and then multiplying that by the lack of a common language, being shoved into a system that regards them as illegal, the enormity of the difficulties these children are going through...  I can't imagine how they are surviving. 

I eventually got by through the grace of a trucker who took pity on a little girl who was crying in the ticket office (and gave me 5 dollars for breakfast to boot - thank God for truckers with a heart).  And I've been hearing stories of citizens who are trying to help out the kids.  May we always find some grace in our hearts to help as much as we can.

Twilight Musings

Date night out tonight with Roger - driving home, we hit the golden moment.  I love summer twilight, right after the sun has set, but before the light has all faded, when everything is softened from the harshness of the day.  There's a distinct smell to twilight - I think it's the smell of the world starting to cool, sort of sweet and heavy, but lightening up. 

Then there's the anticipation.  Work is done, heat is fading, the night is still full of promise and adventure (or blessed rest - either way).  The most intriguing things always seem to happen right after twilight, and anticipating them is frequently the best part.

Happy Fourth

For the first time in ages, I'm not going to be watching the guys and Brigid set off a few fountains in the driveway to celebrate.  I'm missing it a little - I'm missing the Monkey a lot, but I suppose she has to live her own life.  If she has to.  I guess. 

Part of the decision not to do fireworks this year has to do with Brigid not being here - we can't blame our latent pyromania on her anymore.  But I'm also starting to feel uncomfortable about the whole concept - spending money on something that lasts for 5 minutes at best on sparkly noisy nothing.  The fact that it took me 49 years to grow up that much is a little frightening, but still...

I also have been dealing with Daisy's semi-nervous breakdowns nightly this week - I live in a part of town where idiots start loud aerial fireworks on the first of July and don't stop until the 7th (I hope they stop by then...)  I've been spoiled by Moose, who has always been relatively calm about fireworks - Daisy, on the other hand, has been shaking and rotating enough to start her own little gravitational field.

So instead, we're just getting together and watching a little silly television with friends - I'm still grateful for my country, just a little more quietly grateful.

Wakeup Call

About ten minutes before the radio went off this morning, Daisy crawled up my body and settled in on my chest.  When I didn't immediately start petting, she nuzzled my chin a little - clearly canine-speak for "make with the snuggling, woman!"  I know the next step - licking - and since she not only had dog breath, but morning dog breath, I complied quickly to head off the horror of eyeball-licking.  We had a nice couple of minutes before the radio started blaring and the boys woke up... at which point, Moose went into his patented "Hey, that's my mama!" dance, trying to shove in between me and the rest of the world (especially Daisy).  You know, there are worse ways to wake up.
 

Late night thoughts

Well, not all that late.  But late enough for a schoolnight.  I had my consult with my endocrinologist today, and she gave me some adjustments to my Lantus/Regular regimen.  I also need to adjust my diet - ever since I've been working on plant-based, everything has been working really well, except for my blood sugar.  That has been going through the roof - my last A1C was 9.4.  So, for the next couple of months, I'm going to be concentrating on blood-sugar maintenance and do an intense push to get it back down - that should be the last hoop to jump through before surgery.

I'm a little scared to let go of my plant-based routine (although part of me is also going "bring on the eggs!").  I do think it's helped keep Hank from growing - although I know that's strictly anecdotal, and I'm by no means saying that it would work for everyone.  It's also helped me to feel like I had some measure of control over something that I felt completely overwhelmed by, and we all know how I crave control.  I also want to keep being a rock star in my doctors' eyes - that's been a completely new experience for me, and I liked it! But I think that I can do plant-based plus a little protein here and there - maybe shoot for the vegan before 6:00 thing that Bittman advocates, and still keep the benefits.  We'll see how it goes.